Why we do what we do

Have you seen many fireflies lately? Considerably less than you remember from your backyard in younger years? Gen-Z — have you ever seen a firefly IRL?

I read recently that our generation will be one of the last to coexist with fireflies due to habitat loss, negligent pesticide use, light pollution, and climate change. The part I find profoundly sad is that when fireflies light up their butts as part of their bioluminescent mating ritual, there is just so much manmade light around that the boy and girl fireflies simply can't find each other in the light polluted darkness.

Who would have thought fireflies would be such a perfect metaphor for modern dating

So many people feel lost in the noise of the TikTok-driven cacophony. Everywhere we look, people are trading reality for fantasy and parasocial simulation. The long-lasting impact of social media's ability to warp our perceptions of reality with ego-fueled dopamine hits can't even properly be measured.

Dating apps claim they want you to find your life mate and delete their app. They don't. You only have to look at the way they function to see what they actually want. Their actual goal: make the world so bright and noisy that you can only find a mate through them. Then, once you do, remind you there are a million superior options — keeping you in an endless cycle until your attention is monetized and your existence used up.

That said, social media and AI are not the root of all evil. They can be used to make a positive impact on the world — to make people's lives genuinely better. But the truth is that won't be the most profitable path. It's much more profitable to build a company promising something false, get millions of people to hit subscribe for $10/month, and cash out. Sure, in six months half of them realize it's bullshit and unsubscribe — but you had tens of millions paying for a lie, and two million were too lazy to even cancel. Half a billion in the bank before anyone figured it out. Jordan Belfort and Charles Ponzi would be proud.

So what is the answer? Where is the path to enlightenment through technology instead of creating a society of broken nervous systems, unaware their biological systems have been hacked by silicon-based ones?

The answer will not be a 12-step program or some methodology that fits neatly in some PowerPoint deck. It will not be in legislation to push through new mandates, though that has its place. The change will happen when a critical mass of both the architects and the users of these technologies adopt a way of thinking. The path is through spreading a philosophy: build in good faith for positive impact, use it with agency — a tool to help you get where you're going, not something to tell you where to go. Be fearless. Don't hack the system for quick money, power, or status. It's all just a game, and the more people hack it, the faster the game collapses.

As parents we teach our children "don't do drugs." Why do we do that? They are already outlawed or heavily regulated. Why do we build a cultural and societal structure around something that is already forbidden? We do that because "easy" is addicting. Quick fix to feel pleasure. Quick fix to feel liked and socially accepted. Quick fix to feel smart and like you understand a world you know deep down you never could fully comprehend. There will always be temptation in "easy" even when it is forbidden, and those who fall into the trap sometimes never find their way back to normal. But all we can do as parents, friends, and neighbors, is to build our culture and community around these ideas and let each individual make their own decisions. Not everyone is dealt the same hand. But what you do with the hand you're holding is still yours to decide, and no one else's.

Firefly exists for everyone — whether you're writing the code or just living downstream of it. We don't claim to have it all figured out. We are a community trying to forge new ways to use and build technology that builds people up instead of hollowing them out.

We hope you will join our community and jump into the conversation. We are publishing written and video content across multiple platforms linked below, and holding events and workshops in the Seattle area (more cities to come). Our events are about participation and discovery, not teaching the way. You have questions? Great! Come join the conversation!

When the night is darkest, be the light.